by Veronica

I was born in San Juan, Puerto Rico, and my mom had me when she was 16 and couldn’t really provide for me. My dad disappeared and didn’t want to have anything to do with us. My mom left to go to the US to make more money and left me with my grandparents, who raised me, and I called them Mom and Dad. My mom hoped to make enough money so she could get us to go to the US as well. At six, I finally made my way to the US.

When I was about 11, I remember watching the television one day, and somehow there were two people having sex on the TV. My aunt finally noticed it and quickly turned it off and said that we would not talk about that ever again. But I wanted to know what I saw. I wanted to know why it made me feel a certain way, and I began to search for those images online. That search developed into a very serious porn addiction.

By sixth grade, I realized that I was attracted to girls. I had a best friend who lived down the street and had a similar experience with porn, and I suddenly began to have an attraction to her. Suddenly I realized that I wanted to be close to her forever.

At 18, I left home and was homeless for a while. I finally knew that I was supposed to go to school. I showed up at a college and just walked into the administration office and showed them everything I had, and said to the lady there and said, “I know I am supposed to be here.” She started to cry and walked off. The next thing I know, she came back and said you have classes now, and you’ve already missed your first few days.

One day I was in church and heard a pastor teaching about homosexuality and pornography addiction, and at the end of his message, he said he wasn’t going to do an invitation but simply put up a slide that said, “Living Hope Ministries” and the website and I felt the Lord touch my heart and say, this is for you. I called and started coming to Living Hope. I hadn’t talked to my mom in years at this point.

Coming to LHM forced me to stop being the Veronica everyone expected me to be. I could say I struggled, and everyone understood me. Living Hope gave me a place to just be honest with others who also knew that struggle and understood where I was coming from. There was so much freedom that came from sharing my struggle and being heard and known.

I graduated, reconnected with my mom, and moved back home for a while. I told her about my struggle, and she heard me and loved me. I still struggle at times, but I’m doing things I never imagined doing. I now have the strength to share His love with others all over the world. I’m very involved in my church and in a mission in Latvia. I don’t have all the answers, but I have found the One who does. I now know I have a Lord who loves me and is with me on this journey. I have discovered that He is enough for me.