by Marsha Inman, Friends & Family Director
Those of us who come to Living Hope – whether men, women, or friends and family – come because we are looking for hope. (Thus, the name!) We know that hope is to be found in the Lord, and He is the One who draws us here.
Friends and family, and probably the men and women who come, have an idea in mind of how that hope will be realized. We imagine that God will see our broken hearts, our grief over where our life is, and our resolve to follow Him. Because we parented with good intentions and are praying for our children to follow God, He will answer our prayers quickly. He will remove our pain and our children’s struggle, and we’ll be on our way quickly. The family will be restored and never have to address the pain of sexual struggles again.
Unless you are a recent addition to the Living Hope family, you know that is not the norm. Of course, God can work that way, but often, it is a journey of an undetermined length. The men and women who come here have been struggling with their feelings for years. To expect this to all go away overnight and never return is not realistic. The friends and family members who come long to turn back the clock to the days before they knew of their child’s or friend’s struggle and go back to those times they now consider idyllic. If we remembered correctly, we would admit they weren’t idyllic; we just weren’t aware of our loved one’s turmoil.
Don’t Be Discouraged
It’s easy for discouragement to settle in when your expectations are unmet, and time ticks on and on. We know God desires holiness and that choosing to follow God instead of embracing same-sex attraction is His stated will, so why isn’t He answering? If we linger long over that question, the enemy will try to convince us that things will never change. He tells us we might as well get used to the way things are now. The present will also be our future.
To keep from being discouraged, you must learn to recognize the difference between God’s voice and the voice of the tempter and chief discourager, as well as the difference between your plans and His plans. How does God speak to His children? To those who had wandered in the wilderness for 40 years, He said, “I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore, I have drawn you with lovingkindness.” Jer. 31:3. To the sinner (which includes all of us), the Bible promises, “He has not dealt with us according to our sins, nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.” Ps. 103:10. To those who have felt abandoned, Jesus tells us, “I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you.” Whenever your thoughts tell you your loved one has exhausted God’s patience, that He doesn’t love them anymore, that He will deal with their sins harshly, or that He is going to leave you – or them – exactly as they are now, you’re not listening to God’s voice. No one can get so far away from God that they are beyond His rescue. “Behold, the Lord’s hand is not so short That it cannot save; Nor is His ear so dull That it cannot hear.” Isa. 59:1
Sometimes we become discouraged because we expect God to write our story as we imagined it. We think He has promised us things more like a Hallmark movie than life in our fallen world. Naturally, parents want their sons and daughters to be healthy, smart, attractive, well-liked, successful, and strong in their faith. We should all parent with these as a goal, but are we given any reason to think we are guaranteed this result? What did the prodigal dad do to cause his younger son to walk away? Adam and Eve lived in the most perfect world that has ever existed. Where does the blame fall for their rebellion? Why did Jesus warn us in John 16:33 that “I told you these things so that you can have peace in me. In this world you will have trouble but be brave! I have defeated the world.” Jesus didn’t promise us a temptation or trouble-free life. He promised to be there with us in the trouble and that it would not have the ultimate victory.
You Have An Advocate
Satan’s name means “one who opposes.” He is against you in every way. He does all he can to undermine, discourage, disrupt, malign and confuse. Our God is the God of all hope, so whenever you feel defeated, deflated or dejected, you have believed the wrong message. That’s much easier said than done. How do we look beyond what we see right now and remain encouraged that God hears our prayers and that He has plans for us that are good? Cultivate the habit of “renewing your mind” (Rom. 12:2) on a daily basis. Know the promises of God and reflect on them routinely. They are to be found everywhere in God’s word, but here are a few to whet your appetite to add to this list.
- “I certainly believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord In the land of the living” Ps. 27:13
- “If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?” Matt. 7:11
- This is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.” 1 Jn. 5:14
- “Restrain your voice from weeping and your eyes from tears; for your work will be rewarded,” declares the Lord, “And they will return from the land of the enemy. There is hope for your future,” declares the Lord, “And your children will return to their own land.” Jer. 31:16-17
Be encouraged, those of you who have come to Living Hope for someone dear to you. God sees you and He is not hardened to your pain and tears. He is still in control and has a plan for good for you and your loved one. Remind yourself often of Who He is. He can be trusted. He gave us His only Son – why would He withhold anything good from us if He would give us Jesus? Rom. 8:32