by Marsha Inman, Friends and Family Director
What do you want for Christmas?
Christmas will shortly be a memory. I pray that you are approaching this emotionally charged time of year with a lot of prayers and very few expectations. Think through all the possibilities and be prepared to be flexible. If you still need to do that, here are a couple of our resources to help you better prepare for the impending holiday.
How to Survive the Holidays: Support for those struggling with homosexuality (livehope.org)
The days to prepare for the holiday are waning quickly, so that is not the subject of this article. Instead, I wanted to help you think ahead to the new year that is just days away. For many friends and family, we tend to pine over what our loved one’s revelation of a sexual identity struggle has taken from us. We wish we could go back a few days, months, or years to the days when everything was “normal,” and we weren’t dealing with it. If that is you, keep reading for a new perspective.
Unwanted Gifts
Everyone has gotten a gift that was well intended but just didn’t work for them. Returning some unwanted gifts can be more complicated than others. Clothing can easily be folded and taken or mailed back to the source. Other items are more challenging, like electronic items. How did they get all those wires and chargers in such a tiny box? It’s even worse if it comes in one of the “clamshell” plastic cases. When you can’t squeeze it back into its original package, it won’t usually go back in the original box, so you have to find a bigger box to ship it back in or a bag big enough to present it to the store of origin. If there is no gift receipt, all the effort may be in vain.
How does this relate to the start of a new year? The key word is it’s going to be a NEW year. In Isaiah, the Lord told the prophet, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness” (Isa. 43:18-19). Isaiah was speaking to a captive nation. They were brought there against their will. Many were separated from their families, either geographically or because their family members had been killed. They were in a foreign, heathen land where many were slaves. Even if they weren’t literally slaves, certainly none of them had the freedom they had in Israel. Who wouldn’t want to look back and desire to return to what had been?
Instead, God tells His people not to look back but to look forward. The temptation is there, to look back with envy, especially if others seem to have what you are longing for. In the eyes of the Jews, their future was bleak. The past looked much better, but in reality, their past was not the wonderful life that they had imagined it to be. Idolatry was rampant, and even though there was a temple for worship, God did not accept their worship and would not answer their prayers because they were disobedient. God desired something much better for them than what they had in the past, but if their focus remained on the past, they would miss His future blessings.
Seeing Our Past Clearly
If we look back at our past objectively, we need to realize that it only seems better to us because we were oblivious to the struggle our loved one was going through. We saw only the facade they wanted us to see, while inside, they were hiding a deep secret of unwanted thoughts and desires they dared not share. They probably had to keep a short leash on their words and actions so they did not let something slip that would give them away. Perhaps they were even living a double life, hoping that it would never catch up with them. You slept well at night because you had no clue about the turmoil they were going through. Is that the old life that you want back?
“…in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus.” I Thess. 5:18
How in the world does one give thanks in everything?
You can be thankful that you now know your loved one’s struggle and there is a new openness between you. You can pray more specifically for them and for opportunities to speak the truth in love. Even though things may be difficult now, God still has good plans for you and your loved one. Our sin – or our loved one’s sin – does not invalidate the promises of God, as if our sin took Him by surprise. Jeremiah was a prophet at roughly the same time as Isaiah, and the message he gave the Israelites from God was, “…I know the plans I have for you…plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jer. 29:11). Yes, they had been disobedient and were going through a difficult time, but God still had good things in store for them. God instructed Isaiah to share, “From now on I [God] will tell you of new things, of hidden things unknown to you. They are created now, and not long ago; you have not heard of them before today” (Isa. 48:6b-7a). Just because you can’t imagine what God can make of your current situation doesn’t mean it’s hopeless.
Look Ahead with Anticipation
I encourage you to look at the new year with hope, not in what your loved one will or will not do, but in what God will do in your life this coming year. There may be more twists and turns to the story, but God is writing your story for your good and His glory. You may see the turnaround you have hoped and prayed for this next year, but God may also have more work to do in them and you before that happens. Will you feel a deeper sweetness as you draw closer to the Lord this next year, pray more fervently, learn to trust Him more, reach out to others struggling with similar issues, or any of a number of other possibilities you can’t predict?
We can trust our God, who provided His son Jesus as the sacrifice for our sins so that we could know Him and have a relationship with Him. He is not holding back from you but lovingly holding on to you and preparing you for a better future than you have imagined. Don’t look back or try to put your life back in the box. It won’t fit anyway. God’s plans are too big to fit in that box.
“Things which eye has not seen, and ear has not heard, and which have not entered the human heart, all that God has prepared for those who love Him.” 1 Cor. 2:9