by Ricky Chelette, MRE, Executive Director
Can you remember a time when boys were males and girls were females? It wasn’t that long ago. How did we go from one of the most observable realities in creation to questioning the very things we see in ourselves and observe in almost all of creation? In a word, intentionally.
It’s About Money
As with many ideological shifts, the separation of the relationship between biological identity and sexual identity began in academia. The modern understanding of separating sex and gender became mainstream in 1957 when Dr. John Money first coined the term “gender role.”[1] Dr. Money established the first transgender clinic in the US at Johns Hopkins University, where he worked and taught until he died in 2006. Considered a pioneer in human sexual behavior and gender, his research publications formed the practices adopted by much of the world today. He was the first to write extensively about a psychological sex as being separate and more consequential than the body’s sex.[2]
However, a darker side to Dr Money was not revealed until much later in his life. John Colapinto’s book Nature Made Him; the Boy Who Was Raised as a Girl, exposed the horrors of Dr. Money’s early work with identical twin boys, Bruce and Brian Reimers, in 1965. After a few months of life, the twins developed difficulties with their foreskins, and their doctor recommended circumcision. The parents complied. An electrocautery needle was used instead of a scalpel, and Bruces’ penis was burned and destroyed. The parents, devastated, were desperate for a solution. They saw Dr. Money on a television show in the mid-1960s. He stated that gender was more important than biology and that a boy could, in fact, be raised as a girl and never know the difference. The Reimers were desperate to help their precious son. They were young parents, barely in their 20s, and neither had a high school education. They met with the famous Dr. Money and trusted his recommendations. They consented to an operation to remove Bruce’s male genitalia and construct an outwardly appearing female genitalia. They also changed Bruce’s name to Brenda, dressed him as a girl, and began hormones. Dr. Money and his team would continually monitor the experiment, but the results and practices of Money were deplorable. The boys were made to do sexual acts upon each other as though they were boy and girl, and it is reported that Money even took pictures of the events.
The problem was, however, that Bruce, now Brenda, never really fit in as a girl. He was bullied in school, was attracted to boys, and didn’t find a connection with his peers.
The Devastating Reveal
The Reimers were instructed by Dr. Money never to tell Bruce of his transition. However, at 14, the Reimers revealed their dark secret. Bruce rejected his female identity and sought to reclaim his masculinity, reversing whatever he could, and sought to live as a male.
Brian and Bruce went on to live somewhat normal male lives and married women. But their troubled past would forever haunt their present reality. In 2002, Brian committed suicide, and in 2004, Bruce also killed himself with a gunshot to the head. The experiment, reported as a great success by Dr. Money, entrenched the separation of gender from genital and biological reality. By the time the true story of the Reimer twins was made public, the damage and dogma were firmly established in academia.[3]
But even before the Reimers contacted Dr. Money, other medical professionals used Money’s research to take his concepts even further. In 1964, the term “gender identity” was used by UCLA psychiatrists Robert Stoller and Ralph Greenson at the 23rd International Psycho-Analytic Congress in Stockholm.[4] Today, however, these terms are not used in the ways they were when originally coined and have morphed into something much more expansive. The term gender identity, now widely used in curriculum and conversation, is defined by the American Psychological Association as:
“a person’s deep felt, inherent sense of being a girl, woman, or female; a boy, a man, or male; a blend of male or female; [or another] gender” (APA, 2015, p. 862).”[5]
The above definition, widely accepted, has been further broadened by such groups as the Ontario Human Rights Commission, completely detaching one’s gender identity from any biological or physiological realities. The OHRC defines gender identity as
“Gender identity is each person’s internal and individual experience of gender. It is a person’s sense of being a woman, a man, both, neither, or anywhere along the gender spectrum. A person’s gender identity may be the same as or different from their birth-assigned sex.”[6]
Defining Gender
Today, most youth believe gender is what you feel you are, who you think your authentic self to be, and your sex is merely a reference to your sexual organs, which can be changed.
Discovering who you are as a youth is hard work, even when societal norms and familial foundations are secure. But add a hefty dose of family instability, a lack of fathers in families, and a decline in the number of people who believe in God or attend church, and you have all the ingredients for anxiety, confusion, and a need to belong.[7]
It almost seems reasonable that LGBTQIA+ ideology, offering purported unconditional acceptance, a sense of belonging, colorful, joyful, exciting narratives, and carefully articulated dogma, would grow in attraction. Just take a look at The Gender Unicorn, developed to help children and youth understand the complexities of their sexual and expressive identities:
As you can see from the diagram above, youth trying to navigate the nuances between gender identity, gender expression, and various aspects of attraction would be difficult for adults to delineate. Yet many adults expect children and youth to be aware of these nuances when their brains are not cognitively developed enough to fully understand the concepts and their life experiences are too limited to grasp the immediate and long-term implications.
Also, note the not-so-subtle implication that sex is “assigned” at birth rather than revealed at birth. The implication is that if assigned at birth, there might be some way to reassign it at another point in a person’s life. This has resulted in children and youth believing that their body is somehow wrong, a mistake, or like a disease searching for a cure. But bodies are not diseases to be cured but image-bearing realities to be embraced. We are not “experiments” to be fashioned by man but creations of God bearing His image.[9]
The Power of Truth
In Genesis 1:31, God looked upon His creative work of male and female and declared, “It was very good.” No other aspect of creation was assigned the superlative “very” except that of humanity. Our uniqueness as God’s image-bearers distinguishes us from all of creation and imbues us with inherent worth and value. When we communicate this truth to children and youth, we instill within them an unshakable foundation upon which they can explore God’s unpredictable and sometimes scary world with confidence, knowing they are intentionally created, purposeful beings created by a loving and good God.[10]
As a Christian parent, God has uniquely positioned you to impact the trajectory of your child’s life for His kingdom. What can Christian parents do to help their child embrace a biblical understanding of gender and sex while interacting with a gender and sexually-confused world? Here are a few of my suggestions:
- Affirm the God-created, image-bearing reality of every child as a male or female. Parents can do this by exemplifying the beauty and mystery of their created sex and gender and celebrating their strengths while recognizing the beauty and strengths of the created other. When adults exemplify joy, security, and competence in who they are, children are drawn to and encouraged to emulate that strength. Also, parents can affirm the actions and interests of each child even when those actions or interests do not fit traditional gender stereotypes. Additionally, we must remind children that definitions of maleness and femaleness are not overly restrictive and limiting but expansive while also unique and intentional. Though it is true that only males can be fathers and only females can be mothers who conceive and birth babies, anyone can be an artist, a warrior, a poet, an athlete, or a dancer.[11]
- Help your child think critically. This is an essential skill in all of life, but particularly as it relates to gender and sexuality. Help your child understand that feelings do not define who you are; they only indicate how you are at a given moment. Feelings change, but your identity as God’s child does not. Ask questions that help your child see the application of their thinking to other situations and if that line of thinking could be applied in a way that makes sense. For example, if my friend feels she is a cat, should we believe she is a cat and treat her as a cat? Sometimes, our feelings, though real, are not right. Challenge your child to think about the foundational beliefs upon which their ideas are based. Are these foundational beliefs true, observable, and in line with reality?
- Listen to your child with empathy and grace while directing them to God’s Word as truth. As God’s creation, He is the definer and Lord of our lives. When our feelings fail to align with His revealed truth, we do not realign His truth to fit our feelings. We must submit our feelings and align them with His truth.
- Partner with educators, church community, and schools. Keep groups and organizations connected to your child, informed, and involved in any struggles your child may be experiencing. Help them to empathetically listen and understand your child while winsomely sharing biblical truth in their responses. Many parents are afraid to address sexual and gender issues with their children for fear they will oversexualize the child or expose them to things they are not ready to comprehend. Unfortunately, children are already being exposed to sexual material at a very young age.[12] If Christian parents are not defining the truth in this area, the world will.
The concept of separating gender and sex is a relatively recent academic construct that has now permeated our cultural narrative and educational environment. It is not a biblical concept, though it is ubiquitous even in religious circles, as religious voices reinterpret Scripture to support beliefs and practices historically forbidden.
As Christian parents journey with children through their sexual maturity, they provide loving, attentive, Christ-centered environments where questions and feelings are explored but also aligned with biblical truth. As parents help their children understand they are children of God, their identities become rooted in God’s creation, not their feelings.
As a Christian parent, you have been divinely placed in your children’s lives to affirm God’s good and purposeful creation of them as uniquely male and female image-bearers. Their identities are not in their feelings but rooted in their identification with God. Their body, mind, and spirit are inseparable realities, gifted, purposed, and loved by their Creator God, their good Father. May God grant wisdom, courage, patience, and love as you shape the future of God’s great gift to you — your children.
[1] Alex Bryne, Letter to the Editor, “The Origin of ‘Gender Identity,’” (Archives of Sexual Behavior, Volume 52, 2023), 2709–2711. https://link.springer.com/epdf/10.1007/s10508-023-02628-0?sharing_token=yzrNpKeXWkP5B_nESa513fe4RwlQNchNByi7wbcMAY4vIN9RyNMtm5fRFO4lBqF2N9nkRAtyR8oPjVa-BFvF3fgYSeU3CP77Sfh39SMaTWMUy9r9ahBU7yySmpBbpjQcD6WWNJ1c04o5Y-ZkflIHTBDRyY-bi2Mi1skk0STyAcE%3D accessed September, 20204.
[2] Miriam Grossman, Lost in Trans Nation: A Child Psychiatrist’s Guide Out of the Madness, (New York, New York: Skyhouse Publishing2023), 3.
[3] Miriam Grossman, 7-10.
[4] Alex Bryne, Letter to the Editor, “The Origin of ‘Gender Identity,’” ( Archives of Sexual Behavior, Volume 52, 2023), 2709–2711 accessed September 9, 2024.
[5] American Psychological Association (2015). Guidelines for psychological practice with transgender and gender nonconforming people. American Psychologist, 70(9), 832-864.
[6] Ontario Human Rights Commission, Policy on preventing discrimination because of gender identity and gender expression. Chapter 3 Gender identity and gender expression. https://www.ohrc.on.ca/en/policy-preventing-discrimination-because-gender-identity-and-gender-expression/3-gender-identity-and-gender-expression#:~:text=Gender%20identity%20is%20each%20person’s,from%20their%20birth%2Dassigned%20sex. Accessed September 9, 2024.
[7] Today, over 18 million children in the US live in single-family homes, and 15 million of those are single-mother homes. Veera Korhonen, “Number of U.S. Children living in a single parent family 1970-2023,” https://www.statista.com/statistics/252847/number-of-children-living-with-a-single-mother-or-single-father/ accessed September, 2024.
[8] Trans Student Educational Resources, 2015. “The Gender Unicorn.” http://www.transstudent.org/gender accessed September 2024.
[9] For an excellent exploration of this concept, see Nancy Pearcy’s book, Love Thy Body, Baker Books, 2019.
[10] Psalm 139:13-14.
[11] Examine the life of David, who was all these things, or Miriam and Deborah, who were warriors.
[12] Common Sense Media, January 10, 2023, reported that 15% of teen respondents said they first saw online pornography at age 10 or younger. The average age reported for first viewing pornography is 12. https://www.commonsensemedia.org/press-releases/new-report-reveals-truths-about-how-teens-engage-with-pornography, accessed September 2024.