by Bruno Borges, Men’s Minister, Director, Institute of Biblical Sexuality
“If I had a place like this to seek help and talk about my struggles years ago, I probably would not have crossed the boundaries that I did.” (Robert, a Living Hope participant). Robert served as a pastor for over 30 years. He had a beautiful family, a thriving ministry, and a reputation among the respected elders of the church. But he also had a secret struggle. A struggle he had carried alone from a very early age with fear of seeking help. And one day, he lost it all!
Sexual distortions are not an us versus them reality. It’s everyone’s reality! Every church attendee or member struggles with at least one sexual distortion simply because they are humans, created by God as sexual beings. When I say that, you, the reader, might think this does not apply to you. But allow me to clarify that sexual distortions are not just addictive behaviors related to sexual immortality but also the way we think, see, and respond to sexuality outside of God’s design, truth, and grace. It’s evident that the church has been influenced by both positive and negative philosophies that have shifted and impacted how Christians respond to sexual issues. Amidst this journey, we have lost many people by further shaming them or being overly gracious and pushing them deeper into their struggles. Although we often focus on how sexual issues affect church members and attendees, I would like to draw attention to the fact that these issues also affect our pastors and leaders, who often struggle silently and alone for years, afraid to seek help.
The Struggle Is Real
On May 22, 2022, Guidepost Solutions, an independent firm contracted by the Southern Baptist Convention’s executive committee, released a 209-page report that accounted for 380 individuals legitimately accused of sexual misconduct and abuse. This report broke my heart on so many levels. I spent weeks thinking and praying for the victims and their families, the churches involved, but also for the offenders. While I agree that justice must be served, I cannot help but feel that many of these cases could have been avoided had the church been better equipped to respond biblically and redemptively BEFORE anything occurred. These former church pastors and leaders did not get to where they are overnight. Likely, they struggled alone and silently for years before crossing any regrettable boundaries. Some may have even sought help but did not receive the support and resources needed to overcome their struggles.
Could It Be Happening In Your Church?
Let’s ponder a scenario. Consider what it would be like for a worship leader to struggle with pornography. For whatever reason, pornography became his coping mechanism in his early life. He has wrestled with this struggle for years and can’t seem to find freedom from this cycle of sin. Today, he is married and has kids he dearly loves. He also loves Jesus and serves Him wholeheartedly as a worship minister, but when stress hits, porn continues to be his default form of self-soothing. In this situation, he believes the lie that seeking help is just too risky and costly based on the conversations he has heard or observed within his church. Because the risk of losing his family, his ministry, and his dignity is too great, he chooses to continue his life as it is. Eventually, pornography won’t suffice, and it won’t be long before he wants to live out his sexual fantasies and cross boundaries he never thought possible. Eventually, he gets caught, and his deepest fears become reality. Truth has a tendency to reveal itself.
Sadly, I have seen this scenario play out countless times through the lives of the guys who end up at Living Hope. Amongst these men are a significant number of pastors and leaders who have lost everything but are desperate for the restoration that only Jesus can provide. Living Hope offers a safe place for people to share their struggles, temptations, and failures without feeling judged. However, it also confronts them with accountability and teaches them the Gospel message of transformation.
Finding Hope and Help
“If I had a place like this to seek help and talk about my struggles years ago, I probably would not have crossed the boundaries that I did.” (Robert, a Living Hope participant). Through my years as the Men’s Minister, I’ve lost track of how many participants have expressed the same sentiment. But also like Robert, many have sought and found freedom and healing for their sexual brokenness through a deeper relationship with Jesus Christ.
I can’t help but believe that if anyone, including our pastors and leaders, had a safe place to confess their temptations and struggles, they would never need to confess sin! Think of how caring it would be if our churches were better prepared to respond to clergy confessions of sexual distortions while they were still just temptations. To help churches fulfill such a calling, Living Hope has developed the following resources:
- The Institute of Biblical Sexuality is Living Hope’s training and educational arm. Its mission is to encourage and equip the Church and Christ-centered organizations to respond biblically and redemptively to sexuality. For more information, visit www.biblicalsexuality.net.
- The Help Me Initiative – If you are a pastor or leader struggling silently and alone with sexual struggles, please contact us CONFIDENTIALLY at www.biblicalsexuality.net/helpme
- Certification in Biblical Sexuality Ministry – If you feel a call to lead your church or organization on how to respond to sexuality issues, this certification program is for you. Visit us at www.biblicalsexuality.net/certificationfor more information and to register for one of our upcoming Info Sessions.
- Institute of Biblical Sexuality Conference – Join us on October 24-26 in Arlington, TX, as we explore how “Sexuality is a Gospel Issue” with the help of professionals and theologians in biblical sexuality. Visit www.biblicalsexuality.net/ibsconference for more information and to register.