“Ricky, can you come to my office.”
Those words would bring chills to my spine. I was a new Christian. It was my first church. And I really didn’t know what I was doing as the new youth minister. Let’s face it; the church was really brave to even hire me. I had virtually no experience in youth ministry other than the three years I had served as a volunteer at my home church. Furthermore, since I didn’t come to know the Lord until I was 18, I had not even participated in a youth group. I didn’t know what was “regular and customary” for youth ministry. The pastor took a risk when he hired me, a senior at a Christian college, and for that I was most grateful.
But whenever he would utter those words… well they would just make me cringe. I so desperately wanted to please him, to do a great job, to be applauded for what efforts I put forth, but that was not the case.
As I entered his office he would proceed with abominable predictability. Kind pleasantries and obligatory questions: How are you doing? How do you think the ministry is doing? How’s your family? And then the killer: “There’s something I need to talk with you about…” and proceed to tell me how I need to do this or that better than I was presently doing it. Or how disappointed he was with what I was doing. To be totally honest, there were times that his admonitions were needed and appreciated, but more often than not, it had to do with numbers and taste, with style rather than content. I would leave his office devastated and defeated, feeling as though I was an utter failure as a youth minister, an utter disappointment to him, and incompetent as a person and a Christian.
In my own brokenness, I would project his disdain for me for the disapproval I often perceived from my own dad. It wasn’t right to do that, but it was there all the same. My pastor didn’t ask to be my dad, but to me, every man in authority was and I desperately wanted their approval.
It was years before I realized I had an incredible fear of man, a problem that is very real for many and especially those who were not able to receive the affirmation and blessing of their fathers.
The first of the Ten Commandments is clear when it states, “You shall have no other God’s before me (Ex 20:2).” The fear of man allows the opinions of others to shape and define you. It allows their words to give you an identity and meaning. It sets up people as gods rather than allowing God to be God in our lives. It is sin.
I wish that I could say I have conquered this sin in my life, but then I would be sinning by lying. I have gotten better at it because I have come to know that God is the only one who can truly define me. He is the Creator and we are His creation. Others, nor myself, have the right to give meaning and identity to me. Does the painting give direction to the painter? Does the pot give instruction to the potter? No. But with our fallen and broken hearts it is easy to seek the approval of men over the truth of our Father.
I have learned that men make poor idols and even worse gods. They are frail, broken, wounded, flawed, imperfect, undependable, and sinful. They are just like me. What I need is not an idol, but a living God who is strong, whole, perfect, dependable and sinless and that is exactly what I have in my heavenly Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. I have a God who has communicated to me through His perfect Word the truth that not only gives me identity and purpose for living, but direction in how to live a life for the applause and pleasure of heaven and not men.
I have a different pastor today, a much healthier one, with whom I have enjoyed a wonderful relationship of mutual respect and shared ministry. I no longer fear the words, “Ricky, can you come to my office.” I know that whatever happens in that office doesn’t define me, give me meaning, or set the course for my life, mental wellbeing or emotional stability. My pastor, or any other man, is not my god. I have a heavenly father who has declared that I “am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works, my soul knows it very well (Ps 139:14).”